So yeah. This damn ICP wallet. Been in my back pocket since… Christ, 2017? Maybe ‘16? Time gets fuzzy when you\’re hauling ass between shitty motel gigs and parking lot meetups. Found it at the Gathering, that year it rained so hard the whole place turned into a mud pit straight outta hell. Remember that? Knee-deep sludge, trash floating in it, smelled like wet dog and stale Faygo Root Beer. Found the vendor’s tent half-collapsed, dude looked like he’d wrestled a swamp demon. Just pointed at a pile of merch soaking in a puddle. \”Everything’s five bucks, man. Just… take it.\”

And there it was. Black fake leather – well, pleather, let’s be real – with the Hatchetman logo embossed on the front. Not flashy. Not like some of the glittery ICP shit you see. Just… solid. Simple. Looked like it could take a beating. Figured for five bucks, why not? My old wallet was held together with duct tape and prayers anyway. A gas station receipt was literally doing structural support.

Thing is… it did take a beating. Like, absurd levels. It’s been through washing machines. Twice. Left it in jeans pockets, forgot, dumped it in. Came out looking slightly more distressed, but hell, so did I after those weekends. The edges got a bit fuzzy, like cheap carpet after a rabid dog chews it. But it held. Cards didn’t melt. Cash didn’t fuse into papier-mâché. The Hatchetman? Still clear as day, just a bit faded, like a good tattoo after twenty years.

Contrast that with… well, basically every other damn wallet I ever owned before this. Remember that slick nylon one with the Velcro? Thought I was hot shit in 8th grade. Velcro gave up the ghost after three months, sounded like ripping duct tape off a hairy leg every time I opened it. Embarrassing and useless. Or the \”genuine leather\” one from the mall kiosk? Peeling like a bad sunburn after six months. Fake leather strips curling up like dead leaves. Pathetic.

This ICP thing? It just… exists. Persists. Like Juggalos themselves, I guess. You kick it, it doesn’t break. You spill cheap beer on it? Wipes off. Mostly. Got caught in a downpour walking back from a show in Cleveland, soaked to the bone. Wallet was a soggy brick. Dried it out near a space heater (probably a fire hazard, honestly), warped it a bit. Still snapped shut. Still held my stuff. Didn’t even complain. Unlike me, who bitched about wet socks for days.

It’s weirdly become this… talisman? Not in a magic way. More like a familiar scar. A reminder. Pulling it out at the grocery store, some normie sees the Hatchetman. Get that look. The slight eyebrow raise. The micro-step back. Sometimes a nervous smile. \”Uh… cool wallet?\” Yeah, buddy. It is cool. Because it survived the Gathering Mudpocalypse of \’17. It survived the Great Washing Machine Incident(s). It survived being crammed into pockets with loose change, guitar picks, and god knows what else.

And the inside… man. It’s a museum of my chaotic life. Faded receipts from gas stations in towns I barely remember playing. A ticket stub from that insane ICP show where Violent J crowd-surfed right over my head, dropped his mic, almost brained me. A folded-up setlist from a tiny dive bar gig my old band played. Some weird, unidentifiable sticky residue in the coin pocket that might be Faygo Red Pop from 2019. Or maybe just gum. Who knows? Doesn’t matter. It’s in there. Part of the ecosystem. The wallet doesn’t judge. Just holds it all.

Is it stylish? By mainstream standards? Fuck no. It’s clunky. Thick. Makes my ass look lumpy in tighter jeans, not that I care much these days. It’s not minimalist chic. It doesn’t have RFID blocking (do people actually steal card info with magic waves? Feels like an urban legend). But it’s got… presence. It’s unapologetically Juggalo. It says, without screaming, \”Yeah, I listen to clowns rapping about magnets and miracles, and I need a place to put my damn Kroger card.\”

Durability. That’s the word they slap on the product page, right? \”Durable ICP Fan Accessory.\” Sounds so sterile. Like describing a tank as \”robust.\” Doesn’t capture the sheer, stubborn refusal to die. This thing has outlasted relationships. Outlasted jobs. Outlasted three pairs of the boots I wore when I bought it. It’s scuffed, it’s softened, the corners are rounded from friction, the embossing isn’t sharp anymore… but it’s here. Still doing its job. Quietly. Reliably. Like that one dude at every show who’s always there, handing out water, making sure nobody falls in the pit. Unassuming but essential.

Found it online the other day, looking for a pic for this post. Same damn design. Still selling. Probably still made of the same indestructible mystery material. Makes me wonder… how many other pockets is this thing riding in? How many other stories of survival is it part of? Some kid buying his first one, feeling that weight in his hand, hoping it makes him look hard. Some old head like me, replacing one that finally, after a decade, gave up the ghost. Maybe it got chewed by a dog. Maybe it finally dissolved in a Faygo bath. Who knows?

Point is… it’s just a wallet. A cheap piece of fan merch. But it’s also weirdly… more? Not in a deep, philosophical way. More like… it’s proven itself. Earned its place. It doesn’t try to be anything fancy. It just is. Solid. Dependable. Takes the hits and keeps holding your crap. Kinda like… family. Whoop whoop.

Honestly? I kinda hope this one never dies. I wanna be that old dude at the Gathering, grey hair (what\’s left of it), pulling out this battered, ancient Hatchetman wallet crusted with decades of… life. Some young Juggalette points and laughs. \”Damn, Pops, that thing’s older than me!\” Yeah, kid. It is. And it’s seen things. Just like me. Probably smells kinda funky too. But it’s still here. Still kicking. Just gotta find a five spot for another Faygo.

【FAQ】

Q: Okay, seriously, how durable IS this ICP wallet? Like, will it actually survive getting soaked or crushed?
A> Look, I ain\’t a materials scientist. It\’s pleather, vinyl, some kinda plastic polymer demon spawn – who knows? But mine has been drowned (washing machine x2, rainstorms), sat on (countless hours in shitty van seats), crammed full until it bulged, and generally abused since like 2016/17. Edges are fuzzy, it\’s softer, definitely looks beat… but zero rips, tears, or failure of the snap closure. Cards haven\’t fallen out. It\’s not indestructible, but its resilience is legitimately surprising for the price point. Way tougher than any mall wallet I ever had.

Q: Will having the Hatchetman logo on my wallet cause problems? Like, with cops or jobs or whatever?
A> Maybe? Probably depends where you are and who\’s looking. I\’ve gotten the side-eye pulling it out at fancy restaurants or in uptight suburbs. Cops? Once got pulled over for a busted taillight; cop definitely noticed it when I handed over my license. His expression tightened, asked more questions than seemed necessary. Didn\’t get hassled because of it, but it didn\’t exactly project \”upstanding citizen.\” Jobs? If you\’re slinging it on your desk at a corporate gig… yeah, maybe not the best move. It\’s a signal, like any band merch. Signals attract attention, good and bad. Be aware of the room.

Q: Is it actually practical? Looks kinda thick/bulky in pics.
A> It ain\’t slim, that\’s for damn sure. If you\’re a minimalist with three cards and a single bill, it\’ll feel overbuilt. I usually carry 6-8 cards (IDs, debit, credit, library, random loyalty crap), some cash, receipts, maybe a pick or two. Fills it fine without over stuffing. The bulk comes from the material – it\’s thick to start and doesn\’t thin out much with wear. Makes a definite lump in your back pocket. You get used to it, or you shift it to a jacket pocket. Functionally? The card slots work, the bill compartment holds folded cash okay, the coin pocket is useless for coins but great for tiny junk. It\’s practical if you need to carry a moderate amount.

Q: Does the embossing fade or peel off?
A> Mine\’s embossed, not printed. So it\’s a raised impression in the material, not a layer on top. After years of wear, the sharpness of the Hatchetman outline has definitely softened. It\’s less \”crisp\” and more \”well-defined dent.\” But it hasn\’t peeled because there\’s nothing to peel. The color (if yours is colored, mine\’s just black-on-black) might fade with serious sun exposure or abrasion, but the shape is still clearly there. Printed logos? Can\’t speak to those, but embossing seems like the way to go for longevity.

Q: Faygo spill test? Does the sticky actually ruin it?
A> Oh god, the Faygo. Sticky doesn\’t begin to cover it. Had Red Pop leak in my bag once, wallet got coated. Immediate wipe-down with a wet napkin got most of the visible syrup off. Left a slight tacky residue feeling for a day or two, but that eventually wore off/dried. No staining on the black material that I can see. Didn\’t warp it like the total water immersion did. Biggest issue was crap sticking to it while it was tacky – lint, pocket fuzz. So, survivable? Yeah. Pleasant? Not really. Wipe it quick.